Saturday, June 13, 2009

Ode to stupid things

In the last week I have made a number of profound mistakes. Predominately around communication. I have misread some communication that proved earth-shatteringly embarrassing. I have said a litany of ridiculous things and worse, I have done a few ridiculous things that have made me pause and say, "Really? You did that?" And to top it off, I have offended a few people.

Almost all of this has been done completely by accident.

Some days are like that. Some weeks are like that.

Then I remember a little thing called grace. Something that I am not all that great at giving or receiving. I hold grudges. I endlessly critique myself and others. I can just hear my mother saying, "Be kinder, Carmen. Be kinder to yourself and be kinder to others." My mom has been gone more than 9 years now. I have nearly forgotten what it is like to have a mother who calls and writes and sends packages and cares about all the things that no one else cares about. But hopefully her words have taken root even more deeply than her DNA and one of these days I will grow a little more wise and a little more gracious.

And so I say goodnight with words my mother always used to say, "Don't worry, dear. Things always look brighter in the morning."


Becca said...

Oh Carmen, I am so glad that there is someone else out there whose mouth runs away before she can catch up. Sometimes I can almost SEE the words floating through the air and I wish I could just grab them and take them back.

Sarah LF said...

Oh Carmie, so sorry. You KNOW I can relate. But remember - there before the grace of God go (you). (Had to rewrite it a little - you get the point.) May you find comfort in the fact that so many of us are too hard on ourselves and others, holding grudges and remembering things we'd rather forget. God is with you and God's loving arms are wrapped around you with a tenacious grip. Feel the love babe, not only from God but from your balcony people - those sitting there wanting you to succeed, be happy, find love... Your friends and family all cheering for you.
If I were there I'd do my cheer for you - choreography and all.

Who rocks the house?
Carmen rocks the house
And when Carmen rocks the house
She rocks it all the way down!

Love you.

Tonyalynne said...

everything is a grace...

your mother pours out of you daily, dear carmen. even in this blog post. she and your dad have done well.

you are a gift...

even on the days when grace holds everything together. ;)

Adrian said...

Pastor Carmenski! Think about the many people that you haven't offended and that consider you to be a blessing in their lives :-) We can all identify with you as you share your thoughts so honestly with us. YFFFC...still waiting for your email...