A grand sigh

I could use some 70 degree weather and a tall mojito. That's the ticket. A hike in the desert, camping with friends, a good conversation around the campfire and maybe some folk music from Central America played on a Bolivian "backpackers guitar".... Doesn't that sound nice? I want some hilarious stories and some stories of injustice that motivate us to "Be the change that you want to see in the world" (Gandhi). What's with me wanting a perma-vacation? The news is depressing, the job market is depressing, and despite the fact I am listening to that song that goes, "Give me the beat boys and free my soul, wanna get lost in your rock n' roll and drift away..." I'm just not feeling it tonight.

Over the weekend I was in Louisville, Kentucky where I spent four days with folks who just returned to the U.S. after service all over the world (teachers in China, Japan, Guatemala, and Sudan; physicians in Pakistan; ministers in Ghana and Ethiopia; development workers in El Salvador and Nicaragua; etc...). Lots of inspiring and heartbreaking stories and it was good to be able to share some of my time in Zambia with this eager bunch of adventurers. I took long walks in a lovely park near the campus where we were meeting and enjoyed the squirrels and birds and turtles-- a really restful time until the tornado sirens began (I have an irrational fear of tornados) and got lost in the woods. Aaaah, the comedy of life.

I am shaking my head because my blog postings feel so "blah" lately. Thanks for reading though! Perhaps more beautiful images will capture my attention in a creative way sometime soon and I will be able to share something provocative and newsworthy!

24 years and counting....

I walked into the elevator this evening and joined an older gentleman that was holding an exquisite bouquet of red roses. I complimented his fine bundle and he explained he was bringing them to an AA meeting.

"I have been sober for 24 years and tonight is the year anniversary of sobriety for a friend" he said.
"24 years? That is amazing!" I smiled.
"24 years, 63 days," he said, "And the first year was the hardest."

I congratulated him as he departed and thought, "Gosh, this world is full of good people." I love that he chose such beautiful flowers for such an occasion. Don't get me wrong, tulips are beautiful and daisies a very honorable choice, but red velvet roses? He went all out and those mean something. Congratulations to both of you.... you strangers that have chosen life and sobriety! I tip my hat to your choice and I tip my hat to your love!

I'M NOT GOING TO WASTE MY LIFE

A conversation I had with a colleague today:

Me: "I think you are worried about me."
Him: "I am not worried about you."
(insert lengthy pause)
Him: "I am worried you are going to waste your gifts."

If I had a dime for every time someone told me that I would be a rich woman. When I began talking about going to Princeton to study theology in preparation for work in the church many friends said, "O Carmen, please don't. Don't waste your gifts on the church. Go to law school. Go to Washington D.C. Do something MEANINGFUL with your life."

When I went to Princeton lots of people were concerned that I was becoming too intellectual in my faith. Some family members were concerned I was using my gifts in "mainline churches where the Spirit does not live." Don't waste your gifts there Carmen.

All of this has me thinking, "What exactly constitutes a wasted life?" I accidentally happened upon the blog of a 25 year-old Seattle woman who was just diagnosed with MS. A woman in the prime of her life who wants to climb all the peaks in the Cascade Mountain Range and dreads the day her healthy boyfriend walks away. What constitutes a wasted life?

I got news this week that the marriage of two good friends is ending. He has found happiness elsewhere and he has chosen to leave a pregnant wife. Doesn't get much worse than that. What constitutes a wasted life? This man has decided that another woman will pave the way to greater happiness and joy and satisfaction. He is walking away in dread of a wasted life. And this man is a fool.

So, here I sit with a promise to you and promise to me. I will not waste my life. It may not look orthodox. It may not look traditional. It may not look loud and powerful, but it will be honest. As honest and attentive as possible. I will savor and I will sacrifice. I will leap and I will love. I have a heart full of treasures: sights and sounds and people and memories. And yes, even hope. On the darkest of days, there is hope. Life is short. So damned short. And I am not going to waste it.

Therein ends the soapbox for the day.

Hello Broadway!

I love this photo! Chloe looks as cute as can be with her eyes squeezed shut.

Excursions in NYC with friends are delightful. We ate lots of good food and last night went and saw a hysterical Off-Broadway show called "Altar Boyz"-- Boy Band meets Evangelical Christianity in a satirical little show. I honestly expected it to be much more critical in its social commentary. It was hysterical and surprisingly generous! The characters were really lovingly written.

Three days ago it was 60 degrees. Today it is 22 degrees.... ?!?! Weird.

I am supposed to meet some friends for dinner. Taxi please!

Wishing you well no matter what madness the weather has brought you today! :-) Cheers from New York!

SNOW DAY!

My toes are cold and my cheeks are rosy red. I am quite satisfied with the last two hours of my life. My friends Tina and Chloe got snowed in here in New York, so we took a long meander through Central Park. They fly out later tonight and then I suppose I should do some work. Sidestepping some crazy sledders and avoiding the wind tunnel that is 5th avenue, we found our way into the heart of this winter wonderland. Took some photos of these funny looking statues adorned in white. I should have a name for this series. Wait... I am not feeling creative. If YOU are feeling creative you can name the series instead.

This was all very ironic because 2 days ago it was 60 degrees and I was taking pictures of the first signs of spring (daffodils and crocuses beginning to bloom in the park!!). And now? COLD. At least it was a snow day and snow days are good.

TIMES SQUARE

There are some hilarious things about this city. Times Square tends to be a place for tourists and usually I don't spend much time where Broadway meets advertising and electricity in a sea of wonderful people from all over the world. But today I was with two friends visiting from Seattle and I was reminded again why people come to visit this particular part of the city. It is full of bizarre and wonderful sights and sounds. Waiting in line for tickets gives you a chance to study the visitors, camera-clad and full of wonder (and fatigue?), and I was delighted with what I saw. Hands in mittens holding hands in mittens as young lovers leaned in close. Aspiring actors passing out flyers and dancers stretching unknowingly on street corners while waiting for the light to change.

Times Square gets its name from the "New York Times" building that was erected just after the turn of the 20th century. I believe this is also the origin of the famous New Year's Eve celebration-- the newspaper threw a huge New Year's party and the tradition has continued every year for over a century now! Pretty impressive.




We ate lunch in Grand Central Station, which is a marvelous place, but also full of sadness. We sat next to a homeless man who slowly sipped an orange soda and struggled to pull up the sleeve his coat while some nasty tourists nearby chuckled uncomfortably.



He seemed especially lonely at that moment as dozens of people looked on as he struggled with his coat. If I was a better person would I have stood to help him? Or would I have shamed him? Insert a long sigh here.

CAUTION?

Anyone else have the February blues? I am so tired of Winter. I bundled up and hurried out of work today to try to get a few minutes of fresh air, but of course the wind was blowing and three layers of clothing didn't cut it. I made it three blocks and then had to turn around and come home.

I am dying for Spring. Trying to be as chipper as possible, but just not feeling it at the moment.

Here is a lesson I want to learn in the coming weeks: I need to loosen my grip on life a bit. As my yoga instructor suggests, I really need to lead with my heart and less with my head. This seems like a very good idea. But it is tough to teach an old dog new tricks. Especially when the arctic freeze is chilling my bones! :-)

Here's wishing you a day full of adventure and glimpses of Spring!

A long weekend

Did you know you can buy a time machine online?! I accidentally came across a website advertising one when I typed a web address incorrectly. The internet is weird. But it also is quite the gem. You can share your world with people ALL over the world and that is what I will do in this blog posting. This is a summary of my long, wonderful weekend thru pictures:



















Visitors are the perfect excuse to explore and play!

































And there are very few cities as cool as New York for exploring.



















It was cold and windy, but we had lots of blue sky. I felt like NYC was on its best behavior for Udo, my friend visiting from Germany. Between the cupcakes, Valentine's chocolates, cappuccinos, and my favorite tea shop, there were plenty of sweets to keep us going.

We went to Grimaldi's pizza under the Brooklyn Bridge, went to Speed the Plow (broadway show about Hollywood-- go figure), and ate lots of good food.

I love this city.

a day in the village

I am in a coffee shop in Greenwich Village drinking a mocha with a million books around me (very few things more soothing than this) where the sales support an organization that improves housing opportunities for at-risk individuals in New York City. This is an excellent income generator, but I feel slightly bourgeois sitting here sipping my beverage. Maybe I don't know what bourgeois means. Anyway, I brought two things to read with me: a commentary on Isaiah 40 and some documents I picked up from the Presbyterian UN office that articulate strategies for implementing the Millennium Development Goals, but neither are drawing me in. Instead I am eyeing some short stories on a shelf near me.

I like this place. I like what people are wearing. Funky glasses and wool hats. Corinthian columns hold up high ceilings and patrons look on with envy as two oblivious lovers sit enrapt with one another, palpable electricity igniting the air around them.

Isaiah 40 is a beautiful passage that begins, "Comfort, O comfort my people" and I can hear my Old Testament professor Dr. Miller speaking these words in only the way he could.... with that subtle southern drawl that cradles the words and the air that holds them. His musical intonation helped me discover the poetry of this passage in a new way and as I read it again I am reminded of how fresh these words of promise are for every generation. For our Zimbabwean neighbors, for the women in the Congo, for our new president, for me.

I walked thru the Union Square market and was amused by this gentlemen who earnestly gave free advice to those interested. I followed one kid who enthusiastically said, "He gave great advice. Really. That guy is smart." The smell of hot apple cider filled the air and despite the chilly temperatures, I was delighted to be out and about with my fellow New Yorkers.

It's a gray sweater day

Some of you will understand this and some of you won't, but it is a gray sweater today. Yes. No doubt about it.

In my junior year of college I lived in a dingy, musty house that had been converted into apartments in the University district a short walk from campus. I have great memories of this place. It was the year I got in about 600 trillion hours of Yahtzee. And it was also the year of the gray sweater. I don't know how it happened exactly. It just slowly came on and before I knew it, I was wearing this sweater almost every day of the week. I'd get dressed in the morning and would think to myself, "What would make this outfit complete? The gray sweater of course." It was a misshapen wool cardigan that eventually needed to be patched at the elbows, but this did not matter. I wore it over pajamas. I wore it over dresses. If I had a date (did I date back then?!) no doubt I would have worn it. And today, I woke up thinking, "I need to wear a gray sweater." And so I did.

Today was an exceptionally long day and after agonizingly long church meetings that started at 8 and did not end until midnight it dawned on me, "Yep Carmen, you are now a professional religious person." No way getting around it. They even gave me a clergy card today at the Presbytery meeting. Hmmm. Clergy card.

My friend Ross from the drama department at the University of Washington used to wear a purple sweatshirt almost every day. It was one that he had worn since the 6th grade and he said it was a magic sweatshirt. He said it could actually give him the power to fly if it ever became necessary. I am pretty certain that Ross is about 60% crazy. And I love this about him.

On my way home in a taxi tonight the driver, who was from Yemen, told me that the world would be a safer, happier place if there were more strict rules. For example, he told me that in Yemen adulterers are stoned to death if they are caught in the act by at least two witnesses. He says this rarely happens in actuality, but the threat keeps people in line (or at least hiding really well). I pondered this for a bit, but quickly wrinkled my nose in disdain, paid the fare and slid out onto the sidewalk.

More happiness and peace in the world? Today I just needed a gray sweater.

Here are a couple pictures from Sunday. Some of my fav Princeton friends (aren't they good looking?!?!) came to hear me present on Zambia. Thanks Emily for the beautiful gift!